un anniversaire : au revoir, enchanté!

 

a year ago

at Kintamani pine forest.

hi, how are you?

hope you're happy and healthy :)

xx,

me.

This Wondrous Sunset

Jerman Beach, 26 Dec 2021

rewrite :

It's start with late replies, then ignored messages. The distance becomes greater and the talking becomes less frequent. Every time your phone lights up you hope it's them or at least, you wish it was them. If not checking up on you, just saying anything at all. Because yesterday you asked them how they were, and day before yesterday you asked them how they were, and the day before that too. And how much more can you do right? how long the conversation be one sided?

So you start to care less about what they do but fragments of them linger in your head. "what did i do so wrong?" you didn't. There's nothing wrong with you at all. People change, when their needs changes. But remember the times they were nice to you and were there for you instead of the bitter memories. It's hard to accept but, they've done their job in your life. Everyone who walks in has a purpose and when they accomplish that, they leave. Don't be disheartened, for every person that walks out; someone better will walk in. But the cycle will repeat. You're just going to have to learn how to be ok with it.

Ps. to the one who introduced this beach and lots of places in South Bali; i'll cherish all the moments you were nice to me and were here for me.

Never Not

Fave human this year :)

Fave pet since 2021

We were so beautiful

We were so tragic

No other magic

Could ever compare

I lost myself, seventeen

Then you came, found me

No other magic

Could ever compare

There's a room

In my heart with the memories we made

Took 'em down but they're still in their frames

There's no way I could ever forget, hmm

For as long as I live

And as long as I love

I will never not think about you

You, hmm

I will never not think about you

From the moment I loved

I knew you were the one

And no matter whatever I do

Ooh, hmm

I will never not think about you

What we had only comes

Once in a lifetime

For the rest of mine

Always compare

To the room

In my heart with the memories we made

Nights on fifth, in between B and A

There's no way I could ever forget, hmm

For as long as I live

And as long as I love

I will never not think about you

You, hmm

I wil never not think about you

From the moment I loved

I knew you were the one

And no matter whatever I do

Ooh, hmm

I will never not think about you

Didn't we have fun?

Didn't we have fun, looking back?

Didn't we have fun?

Didn't we have fun?

Didn't we have fun?

Didn't we have fun, looking back?

Didn't we have fun?

Didn't we have fun?

We were so beautiful

We were so tragic

No other magic

Could ever compare

by Lauv

Ps. Have a merry little Christmas :)

After a long space.

Diantara banyaknya hari, sudah lama aku tidak benar-benar merasakan rasanya jatuh. Kali ini rasanya sangat indah sekaligus menyakitkan -mungkin karena sudah terlalu lama tidak. Aku jatuh pada hati yang salah, hati yang hanya menjadikanku tempat singgah beristirahat lalu diujung jalan berdalih sebagai kakak yang menyayangi adiknya -belakangan aku bahkan tak merasa dia menyayangiku sebagai adik. Dia ada saat aku bukanlah aku yang seharusnya, aku yang terpuruk dan hancur oleh diriku sendiri kala itu. Ntah ini hanya perspektifku yang naif, kadang kupikir dia hanya dipinjamkan Tuhan untukku di masa terpurukku, dan lalu sekarang aku tidak boleh serakah dan menyerahkannya kepada Afu yang sedang terpuruk juga.

Ya, sepertinya dia jatuh -perlahan namun semakin dalam- pada Andhyta F. Utami. Seseorang yang saat kau buka profil sosial medianya akan membuatmu berdecak kagum, untuk kasusku aku juga melakukan hal yang sama sekaligus membuatku merasa duniaku runtuh. Yang kucintai adalah The Nudibranch with a blue whale's heart bagi Afu. 

Perasaan tidak aman itu begitu menyiksaku, bagaimana aku secara sadar dan terang-terangan membandingkan diriku dengan Afu yang jelas-jelas tidak boleh kulakukan -atau siapapun lakukan. Tapi itu terus terjadi; bahwa aku tidak lebih pintar dan berprestasi darinya, aku tidak semenarik dirinya karena membuat mas pergi begitu saja setelah menghabiskan hampir 36 minggu bersama, aku tidak sebijak dan sedewasa dia, bahwa aku terlalu dangkal, dan menyedihkan. Logika ku mengatakan ini tidak sehat, tapi aku terus terpuruk di dalam pemikiran ini untuk beberapa saat. Ini patah hati yang juga menghancurkan kepercayaan diriku di level yang cukup tinggi. Aku kembali menghancurkan diriku sendiri.

Sampai aku berada di tahap mengikhlaskan yang mana ternyata mungkin belum sepenuhnya. Aku iri melihat mereka, tepatnya aku iri melihat mas begitu mendamba Afu : tidak sabar menunggu balasan chatnya, tidak bisa menahan senyum saat sedang chat dengannya, terlihat kesepian dan lelah namun begitu menerima chatnya bisa mendadak bersemangat, Afu adalah dunianya, sementara dia sempat menjadi duniaku (bahkan mungkin masih tapi aku hanya berusaha merasa tidak). Aku iri seolah semua orang berbahagia dan hanya aku yang tidak, walaupun aku tau tidak seperti itu kenyataannya. Kepribadianku senang memainkan peran sedih tak berkesudahan ntah kenapa, yang mana itu menyiksaku -juga.

Akankah aku menjadi cukup bagi seseorang suatu hari nanti? Akankah aku menjadi cukup untuk diriku sendiri tanpa harus kubandingkan dengan orang lain? Akankah aku menjadi dunia seseorang yang adalah duniaku suatu hari nanti? Manusia terlalu serakah, aku seharusnya bersyukur karena masih bisa merasakan lagi jatuh seperti ini. Tetapi yang kulakukan adalah terus berharap dia akan melihatku suatu hari nanti.

Aku tahu, suatu hari nanti rasa ini akan pergi. Dan aku akan baik-baik saja.

Happy 25th Birthday Chèri :)

I love you to the moon and back.

and sorry for my late birthday greeting :(

Happy 25th Birthday Chèri






xxx, your Chèrie

Thank You For Loving Me ♥

dear you..

I love you from the earth to the moon, and back to earth,

and jump to the sun, then back to the earth again..

wherever it is, I Love You.

I love you, from the earth to the moon,

the moon that we seen together last night even from different place..

I love you, from the earth to the sun,

the sun that always burns as hot as our love..

I love you, from the earth to the mars,

the planet where you came from..

I love you, from the earth to the venus, 

the planet where i came from..

For the sake of the earth,

the earth where we meet and finally reconcilable..

I love you, Hendriks Valentino ♥

xoxo,

eby

They makes my day brighter

sweet birthday cake for chacha, me, sekar from Ajeng :)

Tanggal 29 Februari kemarin, some of cantiks celebrated another cantiks b'day (mine, cha's, sekar's). Kami berkumpul di Kamikoti Coffee daerah Alun-Alun Utara yang jadi salah must visit place di kota gudeg. No matter where the place is, if we are together, it should be a MOMENT for me. :)

Dan kabar terakhir tentang my ex-Mr. Right , i will never disturb him again (and his whole life) even just like-ing his GOOD status, tweet, or anything. It's enough for being an unexpected-silly-fans for me.

Have a great nite guys,
miss you all
(ʃƪ˘˘ﻬ)~

Shitty Day - Soko

Today started with woke up in the morning.
Sedikit beraktivitas pagi bareng my lovely team Flash All Stars. :)

after that, ketemu sama orang gak terduga.
ketemu sama ex-Mr.Right (so, he's become a Mr.Wrong now, ryt?)
awkward moment banget tuh. gabisa aku liat ke matanya. takut tenggelem. LOL

anyway, itu yg bkin hari ini jd aga2 kelabu gimana gituu. hahha.
gak juga sih. cuman hari ini gatau kenapa jadi pusing banget (yg udah ada dari begitu bangun pagi), dan setelah aku putusin pake tidur, bangun2 masi pusing banget juga. plus muka merah dan suhu badan diatas normal.

So, the conclusion is.. i need to go sleep early. it means now. (12.24 am --> early for me)
bye. xoxo

i've got some new vocab :
Ex-Mr.Right = Mr.Wrong
Smonkey Eye = need hanging sleep like this --> ┌(_O_)┐

and i love soko's songs! :D
and for today's song is : i'll kill her

mengeluh (lagi)

aku gak tau kenapa aku gak berhenti mengeluh akhir2 ini.
seringnya karena aku benci merasa sendirian dan ditinggalkan..
like today..
dateng ke kos my ex-Mr. Right , dan dia lagi kedatangan 'tamu' kesayangannya mungkin.
gak begitu suka jadi obat nyamuk diantara couple2 itu sepulang dari nonton basket,
dan hari ini aku wasting money banget.

aku berusaha menahan keluhan ini. tapi gak berhasil.
maav Tuhan,, :(